You'll Never Know Until She's Gone
by Jem.Rainbow
Summary: She changed you. You became better. But she's no different than Caroline, no more immune to your defense. Eventually you start to revert, start to change back. And then you lose her. Just for a while, but lost is lost. It's also exactly what you needed, to remember that you love her. Even if it scares you.


**It's early. Like midnight. So, kinda late too. This idea hit an hour ago and I had to write it. Enjoy.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Every Witch Way, or its characters. This piece is angsty, with a little cursing.**

 **P.S.: I just borrowed the cover from online. It's not mine at all.**

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It's funny how the world works. You go from being the player who sleeps around to being the guy that girls are pissed that they can't have. From always technically being single to actually imagining your wedding. It won't be for years of course, but you still plan everything from her dress to the location to the freaking playlist. You think of a relationship with a smile, not a look of fear, or disgust. The rules the council has don't seem as stupid, or tempting to break.

From hating goody goodies to imagining how great of a mother she'll make. You know you love her, no questioning it,

But then it starts again. The fear, the worry, the commitment issues.

And then the fighting comes.

It's little things, you being late on movie night, her coming over to teach Jessie new spells without telling you. Stupid fights, you both know it. She begs for it to stop, and it doesn't. Because this is what you do when someone gets too close. You push people out, revert to being an asshole.

It happened with Caroline, why should Emma be any different?

The sweet little things fade. The 'just because I love you' presents and letters. The sweet kissing on movie night that lead to neither of you paying a lick of attention to anything but one another. Eventually the dates even stop. You barely see each other, only at school and once in a while you'll spend time together because it's convienient. You don't talk when you do, and you start to miss when you could take her to the beach just to throw cake at her.

And then she looks for comfort in another one's arms.

You saw it coming, you know you did. From the day he came to Iridium and she _smiled_ at you during lunch, when she hadn't in weeks.

She's still loyal, faithful. She's Emma, it's in her nature. You trust her, know that Josh is a friend, nothing more than another Andi to talk to about you and what you're doing. Honestly, you're lucky. Every other girl in school has called her crazy for staying, has no clue why she's putting up with your bs. Honestly, you don't either. But she's seen the good in you from the start and she's not ready to give up just yet. Even if you are clearly undoing the changes that she made.

You piss the council off a week later, something stupid. Sending Junior on a date with Emma cause you just couldn't deal with her. With the fact that you knew you'd lose her soon. That she was so close to cutting the string you couldn't yet. You only did it to try to fix things, but you got caught, and worse than that Emma found out you sent a clone on the first date you'd been on in weeks.

That alone pisses her off to the point where you can't look her in the eye when she comes to yell at you. You want to apoligize, tell her you just didn't want to make things worse, but you can't. Because you're reverting to the person you were, the person you tried so hard to get rid of forever.

"I'm not the enemy here Jax. Please, just tell me why you're doing this. Help me fight this issue. Help me make things the way they used to be."

You wish it was that easy. You wish you could just look up at her and smile, pull her to you and kiss her until your lungs burned. Tell her you love her, that you don't want to be scared of loving her.

But you are a coward. Terrified of love, commitment. Forever is something you can't fathom, not as a possible route.

She leaves twice as frustrated, and gives you a choice. Lose her, or stop this madness. You have two weeks, and she ignores you the whole time, gives you space.

And it feels like hell.

Pure, bottled up, hell. Straight out of the packaging.

The last day comes and you're sick of it. SIck of getting up in the morning, sick of going to bed. Sick of not having her. You won't do it, you can't. This behavior stops. _Now_.

You go to her house, and jab the doorbell. Screw your nerves, you can't live without her. You won't.

She opens the door, and she clearly expected you. A milisecond later you stop thinking. You just act.

You grab her face and kiss her hard, gently pushing her to the wall as you kick the door shut with your heel. All the pain, the fear, the misery, the love, the lust. It's all there, in both the kiss and the air around you.

She was shocked at first, but now she's grabbed your collar and laced her fingers into your hair, kissing you just as hard. You take a moment to appreciate this moment, how impossibly _right_ this feels. No one else is on Earth, just as they never are when you kiss her. Oh, god you missed this. You really, really missed this.

Eventually you curse your lungs and pull back just enough to look at her, your hearts racing and your breath heavy. She lets out her normal post-makeout giggle that you adore so much and smiles at you.

"What was that for?"

"I love you." You whisper, and it hurts to know it's been so long since you said it. Since you reminded her that she is your sun, your moon, your stars.

Your _everything_.

I guess what they say is true.

You'll never know how much someone means to you until you lose them.

Thankfully, I only 100% lost her for two weeks.

And I never want to live another day without her again.


End file.
